I've always been searching for buoyancy.
Let me clarify. When I was a young boy, there were times when I felt such a lightness in my mind, body, and soul that I thought I might just float away. Times when my world was such the embodiment of beauty and joy so as to put me in a state of euphoria.
As I grew, these experiences occurred much less frequently. My assumption was that life was only beautiful and carefree for children. The rest of us have to face the reality that life is hard.
Somewhere along the way I found out that I could avoid much of the pain of my existence by ignoring it. I turned my life into a party by hiding from all things unpleasant. Any and every external source of gratification was pursued, all day, every day.
My fantasy was an orgy of self indulgence. My reality, however, was much different. I tried to satisfy an insatiable appetite for stimulation and intoxication through drugs, alcohol, material gain, relationships, food and sex. Ultimately, all I managed to do was spend all my money, alienate my friends and family, damage my health, procure legal problems, and almost kill myself more than once.
I was hungry, angry, lonely, tired, sick, and lost.
....and then one day....
My inner voice, which I had not been able to hear over the cacophony of my life, suggested that maybe I wasn't ready to give up. It reminded me that I had not yet fulfilled my potential, that we all are born with unique, divinely bestowed gifts, and it is our duty to share them with the world. I had never even tried. Although the universe would eventually end my time here on Earth, that day had not yet arrived.
I began reaching out to my fellow man and exploring the world around me, searching for who and what I was supposed to be and how I fit in. I exposed my inner self - vulnerabilities, strengths, and love - in order to discover and celebrate that which connects us all to ourselves, to one another, and to the universe that sustains us. And I lived my life according to the lessons I learned, through the experiences I had, with the people I met on my journey. The journey's destination and reward are the same: my deepest, purest, brightest self.
Today I take action to recognize the need for change. I use the elements of recovery to augment the change. And I search for the connection that ties all physical and spiritual and intellectual elements together to celebrate the change.
Today I am a spiritual teacher and wanderer, a father of three, a husband, the owner/founder of numerous businesses, and an avid student of all that the universe has to give. I live my life one day at a time, searching for the truth that defines me and my place among all that exists in this moment.
Through action, recovery and connection I have once again found buoyancy. Care to join me? We can work together to find your buoyancy too.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." — Richard Bach